Happy New Year!

We have had a wonderful Christmas season! We - especially me - enjoyed tons of snow! The picture of our deck was taken the Friday before Christmas by Christmas Eve the snow was up to bottom rail!

Christmas Eve service at our church was incredible. Jared spent the night at our house on Christmas Eve and Joe and I had to wake the boys up at 7:30 Christmas morning to open presents!Joe's brother's family came over for Christmas dinner. We all had a wonderful meal and great day just hanging out and playing games.

On December 28, 2008, Joe was baptized at Immanuel Lutheran! It was a great baptism officiated by Pastor Otto - the same pastor that baptized Erik and Ethan and also officiated Ethan's funeral. It was a great day! Joe's sponsors held a brunch at their house in Joe's honor. We all had a wonderful time!

New Year's Eve was spent at my brother's house with friends and family. Lots of food, Rock Band, and we didn't leave until 2 AM!! It's been a long time since we stayed up so late! Jared and Erik spent New Year's in Harbor Springs with friends so for the first time in a long time, Joe and I have the house completely to ourselves for a few days! Empty nesting preview...we're already thinking what in the world do we do before we had kids?! And what do we do now?

So here we are in 2009...I don't think much will change in our day to day lives - besides having no clinic visits, mri's, etc. We will still continue to thank God everyday for all that we have. We look forward to what God has in store for us and wish peace and blessings on all of you.

The Sunday before Christmas....hard to believe!
We have been enjoying some incredible snow fall - perhaps enjoying is not the right word for everyone at our house - I'm enjoying it!
The Christmas Season has been good so far. Not a lot of sadness...but such incredible joy bursting forth because of the birth of a Savior!
Our choir sang at church today and I can't tell you the joy that just seems to emanate from my heart when we are singing - Every Valley will be exalted; and every mountain made low - plus all the great hymns that are sung at this time of year...it's hard not to be joyful!

I'm on vacation now and have a list of things to get done over the next two weeks - mostly de-cluttering! We plan to spend Christmas at our house this year with Joe's brother's family coming and then spend New Year's with my brother's family.

May God Bless all of you this season with an open and joyful heart!

Snow Day

Ahh...the joys of being a teacher! You still get to have that childish feeling of a snow day!! Erik was little jealous that he did have school today and I didn't.
Our weekend was wonderful. We had a great time with family - 15 of us in a small 3 bedroom, one bath house! It was great!
We did not make the trip over to Canada on Friday as planned. The weather was too iffy and we just didn't want to risk it. So we will make the trip in the spring.
The Christmas decorations will come out today and we will begin our advent season. It's always been such a beautiful and emotional holiday for me. I get so caught up in the unconditional love that God has for us. That he would create his own son to save us from ourselves - incredible. I don't think I've made it through a christmas eve service without at least one tear of joy.
I'm off to shovel snow and decorate!

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow morning we journey up to the Soo to enjoy family at my niece's house! We are so looking forward to spending time together with everyone again.
On Friday, we plan to drive to Camp Bil-O-Wood to spread Ethan's ashes over the lake. It will be bittersweet.
We know that Ethan is not in those ashes but the thoughts are there that again we will be saying goodbye or at least see you soon. Thoughts of him have flooded my mind lately - we had a lovely snow that was perfect for snowmen and I remembered how he begged to make them everytime it snowed. Pumpkin pie was his favorite - he asked for it year round - and when I helped the kids at school make them it was bittersweet. I just took the Chex Mix out of the oven - Ethan always wanted to help make it and eat it! Good memories...lovely thoughts....parting IS such sweet sorrow.
I often think that Ethan is having the time of his life in heaven - enjoying it with as much gusto as he did life on Earth. We are so happy for his gain but sometimes are sad for our loss. I can only imagine the love that we will feel when we enter heaven will make the sadness seem so small and insignificant - a drop of water compared to the ocean!

We are thankful for life, for home, family, food, health, happiness, and joy this season. Even without Ethan here, we are so blessed. We are blessed that he is no longer suffering, that we no longer await the MRI's and doctor's appointments with anxiety and dread, that he is transformed and living with the Holy One - waiting for us to come! Praise God for that!

Birthday thoughts

Instead of repeating...just visit Ethan's care page www.carepages.com/carepages/ethanmcgraw

Forgiveness

Joe and I spoke at a church on Sunday about our faith life through out Ethan's cancer journey. It was emotional but also good to tell other's about the incredible love of Christ. Several people came up to us afterwards and asked for prayers for their journey. It was a neat experience.

Saturday, however, was a little tougher for me. Joe told me that he and the boys were going to get tattoos in memory of Ethan, even though I had voiced my very negative opinion on tattoos. I was extremely hurt and angry that my opinion meant nothing to them. I later learned that all of his family knew all about it and had "covered" for him. I really felt betrayed and lied to.
After praying for guidance, I was reminded that pride is a sin and that mostly that was what was hurting - my pride. So after 3 days of being upset and trying to figure out how to even look at the tattoos without feeling that betrayal and truly honoring the meaning behind them. I have been given the gift of forgiveness. I don't like how the anger and resentment feels. So I'm forgiving them and will try so hard to look at the tattoos as memorials to Ethan even though they are huge and not at all what I would consider a memorial. Every one grieves in their own way and I need to respect that.

"Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name. Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. Redeem me from the oppression of men, that I may obey your precepts. Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees." Psalm 119: 132-135

All Saints Day

Halloween was not as bad as I had anticipated. We had about 100 little trick or treaters (some older ones too!) come to our house and it was was fun to see them all dressed up and anxious for candy!
I spent the weekend reading the care page entries from day one to present. It gave me such incredible comfort. I feel much better today!

We celebrated All Saints Day at church today. On this day, we honor and remember all the saints that have gone on before us to heaven. Our church names all the people in the past year and the church bell is rung after each name is announced. Then during the hymn "All the Saints", members of the congregation can go up and place a carnation on the altar in memory of loved ones. I have always gone up for a friend that died in high school, my gramma, my grampa, my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law, and this year added Ethan. It was a teary eyed occasion but also a blessing to know that he is a saint now. Joe had a very difficult time today because he doesn't regularly attend our church and I forgot to tell him what was going to happen. He did feel the love of the family and church members around him though and I think that helped.
On a positive note, Joe is attending on a regular basis now! Praise God!

The sermon was on heaven and it was very comforting to hear that we will all be together again. I'm in search of a book called "90 minutes in Heaven". Our pastor mentioned it during the sermon - it's about a man who was in a car accident and actually spent 90 minutes of Earthly time with God in Heaven before he was brought back to life and he describes his time there.

I'm also going to read Revelations. I'm going to pray for discernment to not get caught up in the imagery and just ask to see the big picture. I'll let you know how it goes!

One holiday down...several to go. With the love and comfort of God we shall persevere. Ethan's birthday is Nov. 19.

Peace and blessings to all.