My life has suddenly become...."aaaaaahhhhh" (can you hear me screaming and trying to hold on).
I have no idea what I was thinking when I planned this semester out:
Monday: 5:30am rise work til 3 tutor til 4 teach a parenting class from 6:30 - 8pm
Tuesday: 6:30 rise work til 3 Chamber choir 7:30 - 9:30pm
Wednesday: 5:30 rise work til 3 Master Class 6:00 - 8:50pm
Thursday:5:30 rise Bible Study 6:30 work til 3:00 tutor til 4:00 Church choir 7:00 -8:30
Friday: 6:30 rise work til 3 dinner and fun with family til 11pm
Saturday: rest, rest, rest Dinner with family and fun til 11pm
Sunday: 7:00 rise Church til 11:30am school at 3:00 til 4:00
Now you also have to add into this: grocery shopping, training for a marathon - long runs on Saturdays, the Masters class has a 20 hour out of classroom instruction requirement and 10 hours of assessment not to mention the writing involved. Some how find time to be loving and valuable to my family!
What was I thinking? I was thinking that Chamber choir is done at the end of March, the Masters class is done at the end of April and the Marathon is at the end of May. You can do this...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
skunks and cancer
I went to Gilda's grief group tonight...I haven't been in ages but I knew I needed to be with people who would readily talk about "dead kids". You might think this group is all about crying and sadness but it is not. We truly laugh about some things and we share deep dark emotions that people who have not had a child die would understand. We are all at different stages of grief and we all experience grief differently but we do indeed grieve.
Tonight the discussion centered around "the elephant in the room" phenomenon that happens at holiday gatherings or any gathering for people who have experienced a death in the family. It reminded me of a time when our beloved dog - not so beloved when this happened - was sprayed by a skunk at 6:30 in the morning before a school day. Jared was in high school, Erik in Junior High and Ethan elementary and fighting cancer. When the dog came inside from his morning constitutional it was all too apparent that he was sprayed. We tried desperately to leave the house quickly so as to assume the stench. Alas, it was not to be so. All three children reported at the end of the day how horrible it was to be at school - Erik actually was taken to the office and given a "loaner uniform" in hopes of reducing the stench. Jared reported it was his worst day ever! I actually had children at school look at me funny but not say a word even though they knew it was me that was stinking the place up! Ethan and I had an appointment at Mary Free Bed to review his physical agility from Chemotherapy afterschool that same day. When we arrived, you could tell everyone knew we smelled but nobody said a word. It wasn't until our doctor came in and acknowleged that she too had experienced a dog being sprayed by a skunk that someone sympathized with our situtation.
Cancer and now death of a loved one is a lot like that. People around us know what we are going through but they don't want to talk about it for fear of embarrasing us or saying what is obviously true.
As one who has experienced cancer, death of a loved one, and being sprayed by a skunk - 3 times- I am hear to tell you. We want to talk about it, to share our misery, our joy, our laughter over the situation. To know that you love us enough to say - do you know you stink?
Tonight the discussion centered around "the elephant in the room" phenomenon that happens at holiday gatherings or any gathering for people who have experienced a death in the family. It reminded me of a time when our beloved dog - not so beloved when this happened - was sprayed by a skunk at 6:30 in the morning before a school day. Jared was in high school, Erik in Junior High and Ethan elementary and fighting cancer. When the dog came inside from his morning constitutional it was all too apparent that he was sprayed. We tried desperately to leave the house quickly so as to assume the stench. Alas, it was not to be so. All three children reported at the end of the day how horrible it was to be at school - Erik actually was taken to the office and given a "loaner uniform" in hopes of reducing the stench. Jared reported it was his worst day ever! I actually had children at school look at me funny but not say a word even though they knew it was me that was stinking the place up! Ethan and I had an appointment at Mary Free Bed to review his physical agility from Chemotherapy afterschool that same day. When we arrived, you could tell everyone knew we smelled but nobody said a word. It wasn't until our doctor came in and acknowleged that she too had experienced a dog being sprayed by a skunk that someone sympathized with our situtation.
Cancer and now death of a loved one is a lot like that. People around us know what we are going through but they don't want to talk about it for fear of embarrasing us or saying what is obviously true.
As one who has experienced cancer, death of a loved one, and being sprayed by a skunk - 3 times- I am hear to tell you. We want to talk about it, to share our misery, our joy, our laughter over the situation. To know that you love us enough to say - do you know you stink?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2010
Wow! A new year....what we expect to happen in 2010:
As we all know there's the plan and then there's what really happens! I'm also hoping to rely more fully God, to ask for His will to be done everyday in my life - not mine!
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:3-6
- Erik graduating from high school
- Erik starting college
- Jared returning to College
- me completing my Master's in Reading - finally
- Joe gaining full time employment
- My school gaining full (at least 30) enrollment
- Joe and I celebrating 25 years of marriage
- me finishing my first marathon
- organizing the first annual fundraiser in Ethan's memory for Child Life at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital
As we all know there's the plan and then there's what really happens! I'm also hoping to rely more fully God, to ask for His will to be done everyday in my life - not mine!
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:3-6
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sounds of Christmas
Wow! Just finished the last Chamber Choir rehearsal before the concert and it was fabulous! There are a few songs I need to work on before Saturday night but WOW...it will be wonderful!
Ethan's birthday came and went. We didn't really do anything as a family because it was so busy that day. We all talked about him and loved him through out last week. At church on Sunday, I was asked to sing "I can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me. After a lot of tweaking, we were able to get it so it sounded good! Sunday Pastor let us know that we would know it would be time to sing when a picture of Jesus was flashed up. The picture he chose to flash up was the same picture we used on Ethan's memorial cards at his funeral. The only thing I thought was ... you can't think about this right now! You have to sing! So I did and I guess did pretty well because I received several compliments afterwards! The Glory goes all to God who gave me the gift of a singing voice! Thank you to a great voice teacher who helped hone it!
If you get a chance, the Chamber Choir Concert is this weekend. Saturday at 7:30pm and Sunday at 3pm at St. Adalbert's on 4th and Davis in Grand Rapids. Tickets are sold at the door - $20 general, $18 Seniors and $10 Students. There is a $2.00 coupon in The Grand Rapids Press on Thanksgiving day.
Done with my sales pitch! Happy Thanksgiving! I'm so thankful for my Lord and Saviour! Without Him, I would not exist.
Ethan's birthday came and went. We didn't really do anything as a family because it was so busy that day. We all talked about him and loved him through out last week. At church on Sunday, I was asked to sing "I can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me. After a lot of tweaking, we were able to get it so it sounded good! Sunday Pastor let us know that we would know it would be time to sing when a picture of Jesus was flashed up. The picture he chose to flash up was the same picture we used on Ethan's memorial cards at his funeral. The only thing I thought was ... you can't think about this right now! You have to sing! So I did and I guess did pretty well because I received several compliments afterwards! The Glory goes all to God who gave me the gift of a singing voice! Thank you to a great voice teacher who helped hone it!
If you get a chance, the Chamber Choir Concert is this weekend. Saturday at 7:30pm and Sunday at 3pm at St. Adalbert's on 4th and Davis in Grand Rapids. Tickets are sold at the door - $20 general, $18 Seniors and $10 Students. There is a $2.00 coupon in The Grand Rapids Press on Thanksgiving day.
Done with my sales pitch! Happy Thanksgiving! I'm so thankful for my Lord and Saviour! Without Him, I would not exist.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Chamber Choir II
Okay...so Diva got the solo....Now I can't but wonder if I had fought my nerves, would it have been different. Especially after our rehearsal tonight...very difficult to harmonize with such a wide vibrato!
Ethan's birthday continues to fill my mind. I can't help but wonder (analyze) if it has do with Erik's last year with us also. Am I feeling these feelings because in a short 6 months, we will be empty nesters? Or am I just beginning to feel the loss of my child. I know that He (God) is with me and that Ethan is with Him - how much more could a mother ask for?
I just know I miss him and the holidays...Christmas and Easter are especially difficult. But we must rejoice. Rejoice Always for Everything! A difficult but challenging thing to do!
Blessings and JOY!!!
Ethan's birthday continues to fill my mind. I can't help but wonder (analyze) if it has do with Erik's last year with us also. Am I feeling these feelings because in a short 6 months, we will be empty nesters? Or am I just beginning to feel the loss of my child. I know that He (God) is with me and that Ethan is with Him - how much more could a mother ask for?
I just know I miss him and the holidays...Christmas and Easter are especially difficult. But we must rejoice. Rejoice Always for Everything! A difficult but challenging thing to do!
Blessings and JOY!!!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Chamber Choir
Okay...solo try outs tonight...did make the (What do you call a group of twelve?) for the Ave Maria! Yeah....so wanted to try out for the Mary Had a Baby...but Diva went first and scared me to death! I am now kicking myself for not trying...oh well...life goes on!
Busy, busy week...2 nights this week leaving at 6:20AM and not returning until 10PM...do you think God could somehow figure out how to give an extra 8 hours so I - and several others I know - can sleep every night?!!
Even though we've already made it through a year...it seems even harder the 2nd time around without Ethan. His birthday is the 19th and I just can't seem to shake memories of him and the day and everything. As a crazy analytical person...wondering why? I made it fine the first time... Praying lots and crying lots...of course not a lot of time to do the latter because of an extremely busy schedule...the car drive to school and from school seems to be the most common!
And of course, life goes on otherwise! Erik got into a major fender bender with MY car on Halloween! I now have a rental car and hope to have my car back next week after we pay a $500.00 deductible and $170.00 ticket! As I said...life goes on!
But as always, we must rejoice always...Rejoice in the Lord always, Rejoice, I say Rejoice!
So...blessings and JOY to all!
Busy, busy week...2 nights this week leaving at 6:20AM and not returning until 10PM...do you think God could somehow figure out how to give an extra 8 hours so I - and several others I know - can sleep every night?!!
Even though we've already made it through a year...it seems even harder the 2nd time around without Ethan. His birthday is the 19th and I just can't seem to shake memories of him and the day and everything. As a crazy analytical person...wondering why? I made it fine the first time... Praying lots and crying lots...of course not a lot of time to do the latter because of an extremely busy schedule...the car drive to school and from school seems to be the most common!
And of course, life goes on otherwise! Erik got into a major fender bender with MY car on Halloween! I now have a rental car and hope to have my car back next week after we pay a $500.00 deductible and $170.00 ticket! As I said...life goes on!
But as always, we must rejoice always...Rejoice in the Lord always, Rejoice, I say Rejoice!
So...blessings and JOY to all!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Half Marathon
13.1 in 2:10....
Running is a spiritual experience - some would say religious but religious brings to mind institutions and that is not what I experienced today!
Today at mile 3 I was thanking God for being with me on this run...begging him to heal my knee or at least give me the strength to finish the race. Several times during the race, music I had placed on my mp3 gave me the strength to go another mile. I actually listened to Beethoven's 9th that the Chamber Choir sang in Muskegon! At one point I sang out Ver Gott! On a A while running a 9 minute mile! Quite a few heads turned...let me tell you! But I was so caught up in the music I couldn't not sing it!
Later - Lady came on. "Look around you, look up here, take time to make time, make time to be there!" Thank you God for that!
I thought of Ethan, Joe's mom, Jerry - best friend from high school that died in a car accident when I was 16- all them with God...Rejoicing in the heavens...
Hey...I can't believe I'm at mile 10 already! That's what happens when you run long distances. Your mind goes off and then you realize your still running!
Oh, I had lots of knee pain after the hills on Butterworth but once we made it back to town, I knew I would be okay! As I was running the last mile...Lean on Me came on...started singing out loud again - I'm sure people thought I was completely nuts - but several people who were walking started running again. Who knows if it was the song or just time for them to get running but it was cool.
2/10 of a mile to go..."Let's Get Ready to RUUUUUUUUMBLE!!!!" Great song to finish a race to!
Running the race of life...can't wait to cross the finish line into heaven!
Running is a spiritual experience - some would say religious but religious brings to mind institutions and that is not what I experienced today!
Today at mile 3 I was thanking God for being with me on this run...begging him to heal my knee or at least give me the strength to finish the race. Several times during the race, music I had placed on my mp3 gave me the strength to go another mile. I actually listened to Beethoven's 9th that the Chamber Choir sang in Muskegon! At one point I sang out Ver Gott! On a A while running a 9 minute mile! Quite a few heads turned...let me tell you! But I was so caught up in the music I couldn't not sing it!
Later - Lady came on. "Look around you, look up here, take time to make time, make time to be there!" Thank you God for that!
I thought of Ethan, Joe's mom, Jerry - best friend from high school that died in a car accident when I was 16- all them with God...Rejoicing in the heavens...
Hey...I can't believe I'm at mile 10 already! That's what happens when you run long distances. Your mind goes off and then you realize your still running!
Oh, I had lots of knee pain after the hills on Butterworth but once we made it back to town, I knew I would be okay! As I was running the last mile...Lean on Me came on...started singing out loud again - I'm sure people thought I was completely nuts - but several people who were walking started running again. Who knows if it was the song or just time for them to get running but it was cool.
2/10 of a mile to go..."Let's Get Ready to RUUUUUUUUMBLE!!!!" Great song to finish a race to!
Running the race of life...can't wait to cross the finish line into heaven!
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