Thoughts

It's Confirmation Sunday at church next week. Tonight I went and watched the confirmands give their profession of faith. It was wonderful to hear how God has worked in them and how deeply rooted their faith is. This is the year Ethan would have been confirmed. It was bittersweet to hear his friend say that having faith means you're not afraid to die that death doesn't mean it's over.
I've not had the feelings of this "would of have been" about Ethan until this last week. I'm not sure if Erik graduating is bringing it on or if I am just so overwhelmed that I am allowing those thoughts to occur. I don't like them, I don't like the pain associated with them and when they happen I pray that God take them away and I tell Satan to get behind me. It's so easy to be sucked in by grief, so easy to wallow in the pain and the suffering, so easy that Satan brings it every moment he can.

I know that Ethan's life was supposed to be exactly what it was and I know that I will see him again in heaven. There's no need for me to think about the would's or should's because in my mind, it happened the way it was supposed to.

"I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection." lyrics from "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" by Stuart Townsend.

There's the plan

So today...I actually said something out loud that I have only ever thought about in the recesses of my mind. And when I said it out loud...the world didn't come to an end, I didn't cry, and I was at total peace. Wow... so does this mean I need to follow through or is it just that it's okay to say it aloud and think it...
I know - confusing.
It is for me too. I'm praying tons and trying to be still and listen.

almost there

Well, I finished the Chamber Choir Concert, I finished the class and the marathon is just 4 short weeks away.
A new agenda has landed in my lap now...2 new classes that start Monday, Chamber Choir recording a Christmas CD on May 25 and in the midst of this, Erik is graduating high school on the 19th with an open house on the 23rd.
I can only close my eyes some-days and just live for that moment. To think ahead to the future is just so overwhelming! So I made it through this far and God will carry me to where he wants me go!
The 5/3 race is Saturday and I am looking forward to running that and hopefully raise some funds for We Do Care.

"The Lord is my portion," Says my soul, "Therefore, I have hope in Him." Lamentations 3:24