SO I ran the Kalamazoo Marathon on May 8...came in at 4:47...8 minutes slower than my first Marathon last May. You think so much when you run...especially when you don't have music. Most marathon races request that you run without music and I oblige. ANYWAY...during the run I couldn't help thinking how running was MY thing...not really God's. All the races I run, really focus on me and not Him. Is that okay? I don't know. The thought occurred to me more than once to not run "long" races anymore because the focus was on MY ability and not on what God has blessed me with.
Then 6 days later I ran the 25k at the Fifth Third in Grand Rapids. During the week, my quads hurt so bad I couldn't even go out for a small run. So I decided that my thoughts were true and God was showing me what a total idiot I was for placing all my faith in myself and not in Him! Race day arrived and I was pumped...not sure if I would be able to run it under 3 hours but lined up just ahead of the 10 minute pacers who would finish at 2:36.
God is so incredibly awesome! I have only run the 25k(15.5 miles) 3 times. The first time I was totally exhausted at mile 11 and finished at 2:50. The 2nd time, I actually trained but still had to walk/run from exhaustion at mile 13 and finished at 2:34:26. The third time - this year - after running 26.2 miles 6 days earlier; I not only finished 5 seconds earlier at 2:34:21 but I didn't walk - I was never exhausted! I was so filled with the Holy Spirit through the whole run it was a religious experience! That time of 2:34:21 is God's time...not mine. He ran that race with me and it was the most fabulous thing I have ever done! It was like when Ethan went to heaven. My heart was bursting with joy on that run...I had no idea I was even running!!
Okay...so fast forward to yesterday when I picked up Saint Augustine's Confessions for the 4th time to read in the past 2 years. I start reading about when he was young - in his 20's I think - and a very close friend of his dies. He is in complete and total grief and sorrow. He explains how he felt like half his soul is missing because this friend filled up that half. He didn't want to be anywhere that reminded him of his friend because of the pain it caused him. The places that they frequented were not the same...Augustine was in total anguish. Then he says something profound. Note that his confessions were written when he was much older and wiser. He basically said the reason that his friend's death caused him so much pain was because he loved his friend more than God. He placed his love and trust in a human being who he knew would die, instead of in God who never dies.
WOW...what a statement. At first I couldn't believe what I was reading but then...how many times have I said, " I couldn't have gotten through that without Joe or friends or doctors or nurses " because they were right there helping me holding me. But guess what? GOD was right there helping me, holding me. AND if I believe the verse in Matthew 22:37 (Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind) doesn't that mean that I love God MORE than my husband, my friends, even my children? AND if I believe the verse in Hebrews 13: 5 & 6 (Never will I leave you or forsake you So we say with confidence: "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid, What can man do to me?" then I must confess that I do love the Lord more. Wow.
