Today was an Ethan day. I don't know why but for some reason he was on my mind all day. I didn't have to work today. We went to a Lollipops concert at 9:30 - Grand Rapids Symphony does a 45 minute show for young children - and then no school. For some reason I slept until 8:30 and then jumped out of bed to shower and get to the concert.
Thoughts of him raced through my mind. It started last week with an innocent post card from a driver's education company who got a list with Ethan as a potential student, and then a letter from our auto insurance making certain that we insure anyone in our household who is old enough to drive. He's not here, I said out loud. Then I whispered...he's not here.
So after the concert I came home and got some work done and then headed over to the mall to purchase a book. In the bookstore, I could hear Ethan prompting me and then when I was walking through the mall, I heard a mom calling to her child..."Ethan...come here..." I know; it's a pretty common name...but wow after the day I had had...
Then Bible study...the songs were The Old Rugged Cross and At The Cross... I prayed that I wouldn't cry. We got up to get our dinner and someone came over to tell me they had thought about Ethan at the Betty White show when a child with cancer was on the stage with her and hugging her.
Today, I wanted to be in Heaven. Today, I wanted to hug my youngest son. Today, I love my Savior and pray for His return so I can live as God intended...without sorrow, without anxiety, without pain.
I will patiently await my call home...today I was homesick.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Let Go
I do a lot of thinking when I am running. Today was 10 miles so I had an hour and a half to think!
There's been a lot of grief and death near friends of mine lately. And they are sad and broken-hearted. They believe in God and know that eternal life is a reality. Yet they still mourn. What if we changed our paradigm? Think about when someone gets into the college of their dreams, or goes on a trip of a lifetime...are we sad and mournful or do we rejoice with them even though we will not be with them anymore? I think if we shifted our thoughts of death to winning the lottery or getting the chance of a lifetime instead of despair because we no longer have a physical being we might not be so tired all the time.
So then my thoughts shifted once again...Have you ever played the Trust Game? You know the one where you stand in front of some one and close your eyes and just fall backwards? It's really hard to do but once you let go and fall, it's amazing how good you feel when you are caught. God is like that...He wants us to let go and trust him. If we just have one iota of faith and let go of grief, anxiety, addiction, fear, etc. He will catch us and love us like we have never been loved before.
So...let go, be amazed, and be loved more than you can even imagine! It's an incredible indescribable thing and I encourage everyone to do it.....just....let.....go.......
There's been a lot of grief and death near friends of mine lately. And they are sad and broken-hearted. They believe in God and know that eternal life is a reality. Yet they still mourn. What if we changed our paradigm? Think about when someone gets into the college of their dreams, or goes on a trip of a lifetime...are we sad and mournful or do we rejoice with them even though we will not be with them anymore? I think if we shifted our thoughts of death to winning the lottery or getting the chance of a lifetime instead of despair because we no longer have a physical being we might not be so tired all the time.
So then my thoughts shifted once again...Have you ever played the Trust Game? You know the one where you stand in front of some one and close your eyes and just fall backwards? It's really hard to do but once you let go and fall, it's amazing how good you feel when you are caught. God is like that...He wants us to let go and trust him. If we just have one iota of faith and let go of grief, anxiety, addiction, fear, etc. He will catch us and love us like we have never been loved before.
So...let go, be amazed, and be loved more than you can even imagine! It's an incredible indescribable thing and I encourage everyone to do it.....just....let.....go.......
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