Today marks 10 years that Ethan was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Ten years ago today we sat in the waiting room while our 7 year old son had brain surgery to remove a tumor the size of a golf ball that was pushing on his brain stem. A tumor that caused such vomiting and headaches that for 6 months had everything thinking he had severe acid reflux. Ethan underwent a Nissen fundoplication two weeks prior to this surgery to stop him from vomiting.
Our whole world changed on April 7, 2003. We entered a world of doctors, nurses, child life specialists, physical therapists, aides, clinics, hospitals, chemotherapy, and radiation that we never knew existed. At first the road was rocky....we weren't certain we belonged there but slowly and surely realized that we were there, there was no going back. We opened our hearts and minds to the people that were around us and we learned so much about people, our children, our community, and our God.
The journey that we started that day has not ended even though Ethan's earthly life has. Our journey continues on today in understanding what it means to have a family member or friend that has a diagnosis of cancer. It continues on in understanding the difficult task of making peace with a Maker who sees a much bigger picture than we do and trusting that He knows best even when we think we know better. It continues in the way we can mourn with others who have had to bury their own children or loved ones.
Today is a day that I will forever remember. After the nurses in the PICU urged us to go home and get rest before Ethan's surgery, Joe and I came home. In amongst the tears and hugging, Joe asked me why God was doing this to us? I remember having a vision of my family being split apart - divorce, hatred, ugliness - and I answered him. "God is not doing this to us, but we need to cling to Him if we are going to get through this." More tears, more hugging, more God...
Most of you know the story that comes after that first week, if you would like to read the story of Ethan's 5 1/2 year cancer journey; his carepage is still up at www.carepages.com/ethanmcgraw.
Our church sang 10,000 Reasons today and my heart and soul almost burst with joy. A joy that is so
difficult to explain but so easy to have. Bless the Lord, O my Soul! Thank you, Jesus, for the journeys that you have sent me on that brought me so much closer to you - I await the day I get to see You face to face and my own son gets to show me around Heaven. Alleluia!!!
