Bridge Run

The Bridge Run started out as a mistake. It was June 2008. I had run a couple of 5k races and wanted to challenge myself a little more. I thought it was time to run a 10k. I looked around on the internet for races and found the Bridge Run in Grand Rapids in mid September. I signed up. When I received my confirmation email, it read something like this: Jennifer, Thank you for signing up for our 10 MILE race.... Did that say MILE? NO, I wanted 10k - you know 6 miles? It was too late. No refunds on race registration. I decided to train for a 10 mile run because I paid the money and I wasn't going to let it go to waste. So the training began. This was also the summer that we were told Ethan had 6 months to live. We were told in June. I don't remember if it was before or after I signed up for the race. I just knew that running would keep me sane and able to deal with helping Ethan deal with the fact that he was going to die. I trained hard for the race. I know Ethan was scared to die. I knew I couldn't stop it. I knew the only thing I could do was run. I ran for him. He was always amazed when I showed him how far I had run. I asked him if I could use his mp3 player to listen to while I ran. He, of course, agreed...so happy to help his mom finish what seemed to be an unattainable goal.
He went off to Camp Catch a Rainbow for a week and then to Camp Mak-a-Dream for a week. I trained. I prayed a lot when I ran for God to take away Ethan's fears, to let Ethan know that God was with him the whole way.
The first time I ran 9 1/2 miles was at Camp Bil-O-Wood. We went up to pick up the Jared and Erik from what would be Ethan's last time at camp. So many campers came up and talked to him, hugged him, told him they missed him. I ran from our motel out to camp and back. When we drove it, Ethan couldn't believe I ran that far. I told him I didn't think I could do it either but it felt great when I was done. That was the end of August.
The day of his celebration of life party - I ran 10 miles. I remember running the last 1/2 mile crying and saying "this is for you Ethan, it's all I can do for you." I knew the end was near for Ethan. Ethan knew it too. He said so many personal goodbyes that day...sometimes with just with a wink or a look.
Ethan died 2 days later. I ran the bridge run 12 days later...with Ethan's mp3 player, with Ethan's spirit.
I think life is training for a race. Some days its hard. Some days its easy. Then there's the day when you cross the finish line and the feeling is like no other. You can't believe you did it. I like to think that's how Ethan felt when he crossed the finish line into heaven. He did it! He trusted that God would be with him and all the promises made were completed and what total and utter joy he is living!

I just ran my 3rd bridge run. It was hard...I haven't really trained and it was hard. But I did it and I prayed a lot during the run. God never left me and even when I thought I couldn't go anymore, He was there telling me it was okay.